


The magic of new beginnings

by Bohemian (Linguam)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec just has a lot of feelings, Angst and Feels, I love that that's a legit tag, Introspection, M/M, Malec, everything's fine tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-26 20:17:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12565356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linguam/pseuds/Bohemian
Summary: It’s a completely new feeling. Being enough.





	The magic of new beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> My first entry into the Shadowhunters' fandom! God, I'm actually nervous... After reading so many of your fabulous works, I could no longer resist the temptation of joining in. I've never attempted to write "feels" before (which is why there's a healthy dose of angst in here as well), but, I mean, this is Malec, so how could I not at least try? 
> 
> Constructive criticism very welcomed!
> 
> Also, I whipped this up in an hour, so if you spot any inaccuracies, please do let me know.

There’s a calmness in him that he can’t remember ever having experienced before. A sense of ease that fills every part of his being; that seems to radiate from his very core.

It still amazes him, every time he twists the key and opens the door, how instantaneous the effect is; how all that weight he’s been dragging around for such a long time just evaporates the moment he steps over the threshold and lets himself inside. It’s been months, and the fierceness of the sensation occasionally makes his eyes sting, still.

He doesn’t have to hide himself here. He can let go and finally just _be._ It’s a relief so intense it takes his breath away, makes his bones mellow.

When the door shuts behind him, it closes on self-doubt, duty, and the feeling of never being good enough. Here, he can be who he is. Here, he _is_ good enough _because_ he is who he is.

It’s a completely new feeling. Being enough.

It took a while to get used to—he still struggles with it, sometimes: to not always be on his toes, to actually _believe_ that it's okay to just, let go, for a while. To think he has the right to actually have this.

It’s the first time he can remember that his mind is really quiet. That voice that told him he was never going to find someone who loved him, because he just wasn’t made to be loved; that told him he would never be anything other than a disappointment to his parents, not because their standards were too high, but because he simply wasn’t worthy of their approval; that told him he was disgusting, repulsive, and _wrong_ for desiring men, for desiring his _parabatai_ ; that told him to hit the punching bag until his knuckles bled and then keep hitting, because his world would only ever consist of pain and loneliness and duty, never the kindness and understanding he craved but was too scared to really hope for; that told him no one would ever try to get to know him, the _real_ him, because he simply wasn’t worth the effort.

For the first time in his life, that voice is quiet.

He doesn’t really know what to do with that. But it feels so very, _very_ good.

“Alexander?”

Ringed hands suddenly cup his face: long, elegant fingers gently stroking his cheeks. Wetness smears across his skin. Alec hadn’t even realized he’d been crying.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?” Magnus asks, worry in his golden eyes, in the small frown creasing his forehead—this beautiful, wonderful man whom Alec owes _everything._

It’s enough to make even more tears spill down his cheeks.

He shakes his head slowly, careful not to dislodge Magnus’ hold.

“No,” he says, voice wet and thick with emotion. He covers Magnus’ hands with his own, leans forward until their foreheads touch.

He closes his eyes with a shaky exhale and whispers, “I’m just really glad to be home.”

**Author's Note:**

> So, um... how was it?


End file.
